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If you have a child or work with children, at some point you ask yourself, “How do I get this child to do what I need her to do?” Putting together the puzzle of what motivates another person can be tricky work.

There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. When one is intrinsically motivated, the motivation comes from within; doing a task feels rewarding because it is fun, it is interesting, it is a novel experience, and/or it provides a sense of achievement. Extrinsic motivation can come from things like praise from others, rewards, public recognition, or avoiding negative consequence.

Many things in life are both intrinsically and extrinsically rewarding. I might exercise because I like the energy and sense of accomplishment that exercise gives me. However, I might also like the compliments I receive on my appearance when I exercise regularly. A work promotion can be intrinsically motivating because it fulfills a need for appropriate challenge. It also provides extrinsic rewards, like higher pay, greater professional status, and praise from others.

An intrinsically motivated student is a driven lifelong learner. That is the ideal we want for all school-aged children. However, if a child feels that he cannot succeed at something or that a task is not meaningful, he will not be intrinsically motivated to complete the task. Curriculum writers and teachers anticipate this and try to find ways to help students develop intrinsic motivation. For example, offering student choice whenever practical, making connections between learning and life outside of school, offering an appropriate level of challenge, and including games in instruction can all increase student engagement. Yet, students do still struggle to start or complete some tasks. One example I see a lot in my tutoring practice is memorizing multiplication facts. For students with weaker memories, memorization feels arduous, even if they are offered choice of games to use during fact practice. They may not yet have been exposed to multi-digit multiplication, long division, fraction operations, or factoring, tasks that are much easier once basic multiplication facts have been memorized, so fact memorization may not feel necessary or meaningful. Thus, there is little or no intrinsic motivation to do the task. I have also had students who regularly forget to complete homework, but who also do not have a system for keeping track of their assignments. While their parents and I might want them to adopt a calendar or plan book, the children do not find recording and planning assignments to be intrinsically motivating.

When intrinsic motivation is lacking, extrinsic motivation can help children to complete academic tasks. Examples of extrinsic motivation are:

Short-term rewards

  • Praise

  • Sticker charts

  • Screen time after completing a task

  • Material rewards

  • Food-based rewards

Long-term rewards

  • Celebrations or rewards for “good” report cards

  • Promotion to a more challenging course

  • Earning of privileges


  • Parental, teacher, or peer disapproval

  • Lower grades

  • Having to re-do an assignment that does not meet expectations

  • Loss of privileges

Extrinsic motivation only works under certain conditions. If a person lacks the skills and support needed to complete a task, no amount of reward will be motivating: You could offer me millions of dollars to run an ultramarathon next week, but that reward cannot overcome my lack of physical conditioning and lack of knowledge about long-distance running. The reward (or consequence) also needs to be meaningful: I find running to be difficult, so offering me a ten-cent reward for each mile I run this week is not going to overcome my dislike of the task. As well, the reward must be connected to the task. As anyone who has trained a dog can tell you, a reward or consequence that comes too long after a behavior does not serve to reinforce the desired behavior. Last, a person has to trust that she is going to receive the promised reward. We adults encounter the trust problem when we use customer loyalty programs that make reward redemption so difficult that it is not practical, or we do not perceive the reward to have the anticipated value.

There is also a lot of criticism of extrinsic reward, especially in progressive parenting and education circles. Some of the criticism is fair. As an example, I do agree that restructuring education to be more student-centered and inherently rewarding is a better option than finding ways to implement more in-school material rewards and consequences. Extrinsic reward also has limitations, and when we rely on it too heavily it can even diminish intrinsic motivation. However, there is a truism that guides my thinking about extrinsic motivation: We cannot control others, only our own behavior. The kid who says “You can’t make me!” is not entirely wrong. We can only provide incentives and disincentives—extrinsic motivation—for others’ behavior. To “make” someone do what they do not want to do would require unethical, cruel means, like physical force and coercion, and even those can fail.

I acknowledge also that we must be careful about the motivators that we offer. As an example, using food treats or screen time as extrinsic motivation can be counter to developing a healthy lifelong relationship with such rewards. That said, we can be creative in finding meaningful motivators that match a child’s interests. Some to consider are below.

Praise and recognition

  • Verbal praise of effort (not result) as a task is being completed

  • A congratulatory phone call from a member of the extended family or friend of the family

  • An opportunity to “show off” a new skill for the rest of the family

  • Completed work on the refrigerator or other display place in the home

  • A prominently displayed trophy

Extra time to…

  • Stay up late reading

  • Spend at the playground

  • Work on a preferred project (Lego construction, crafts)

A privilege like…

  • Forgoing a weekly chore

  • First choice of activity during playtime

  • Sitting in a special seat at the dinner table or in the living room

  • Getting to work at a parent’s desk

Choice of…

  • Main course for dinner

  • The family’s weekly special dessert

  • Game to be played on game night

  • Family movie to watch over the weekend

  • A weekend activity

Ability to earn…

  • A fidget toy

  • A décor item for the bedroom or playroom

  • Fun or interesting desk supplies

  • A reading accessory, like an interesting bookmark or book light

  • New or upgraded sports equipment

  • New books

  • Collectible cards or figurines

  • A special outing

In my work tutoring students, I have had a lot of success using extrinsic motivation to help students adopt new habits. If you are encountering a case of the “I don’t wannas” in your household, it might be worthwhile to try using extrinsic motivators to encourage the behaviors you do want to see.


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